Silently Rejecting
by EVOLustory
Summary: I hate staying at home alone. I start remembering the past and soon things starts getting out of hand, with the thoughts of Mami, me and Tsuna. But it only gets worse when I find something really unpleasant.


**A/N:** This was finished in a rush to meet my bedtime without being scold. So, sorry, I haven't proofread the latter part of the fic. For the Angst Contest round 1. **Read and Review please~~!**

**Disclaimer:** Characters are not mine.

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Silently Rejecting

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I place a hand on the cool leather couch in my room, warming it up with my palm's touch on its surface. I lay my other hand on the leather and with both hands I run them against the texture persistently inducing heat. I stand up, satisfied now, and sit down. Now, for the remaining hours of the day, I will sit here and stare at the blank wall in front of me. Ah, when I get bored like this I start to daydream. No, I reminisce the past, actually.

Memories start to overflow in my head, until I have relived every scene of my life. Flashbacks of her cheerful smile, the sound of her laughter, her innocent view of the world, all the memories replay themselves over and over again in my head. Not sparing me a single moment with my own thoughts. The guilt and hatred that I feel from the death of my beloved sister is unbearable to the extent that all I can ever think about is how to destroy completely the devil, Vongola. But now that I know Sawada Tsunayoshi's father was the man who took Mami away from me, this hatred and anger that is eating at my heart is stirring in the most oppressing manner. Mami's sweet voice cries in my head at night, begging me to stop but how can I? The person dearest to me was murdered by a man I don't even know. To have your life ruined by a person who has no right to do so, a complete stranger, doesn't it just make you burn in fury? And these trapped feelings will only keep eating at my inside until there's nothing left if I don't do something. I have to avenge Mami. I'll take revenge and I'll be rid of this pain. I know this will not revive Mami. But I'm doing this to save myself. This ugly monster inside me won't rest until it spills more blood, Tsuna's. And all his guardians he claims to be his dear friends. They will all shed blood until the earth is dyed with the blinding color of crimson. Tsuna will feel the pain I've been enduring. I will slaughter all his dearest people and he will helplessly watch it happen. His face will distort in anger and hatred, like mine. He will fight me and I will take his head.

Yes, soon I will be able to rest in peace. I will see Mami's happy face but I will not be pained by it. I will listen to her voice singing sweetly into my ears and I'll enjoy it, there will be no worries. I'll take Tsuna's life, the Vongola Tenth, son of Mami's murderer. Tsuna who lied and betrayed me will suffer what Mami and I had to go through.

There was a time when I actually believed that he was different, normal. I thought he could understand me. He was just like me, a kid who wanted nothing more than a normal life. When he desperately argued that he will not become the Vongola tenth Generation's boss, I believed him. And I thought for the first time, "Wouldn't it be fun if I could be with him often like the others around him?" I even started to feel like I could accept him, just him. I would make an exception for him. I believed all this until he betrayed me and left me there alone, thinking that he was different than the rest of the filthy Vongola. I was a fool. The Primo's blood is running in his veins. He's the same as the rest. He'll keep what's convenient to him and throw away what is inconvenient. Just like how Primo betrayed Cozart, he did the same to me. He threw me away when I thought for sure we were friends, leaving behind all our shared memories. How very thoughtful.

I still remember vividly the time when I was over at his house, when we were still pretty much just strangers to each other but he was able to make me laugh genuinely. It must have been how he sucks at almost everything but yet he is the boss of the number one Mafia family. And how assassins are hired to kill him because of that, isn't it funny? He was sitting beside one too, just laughing his head off. He smiles so easily like the way Mami did. Sometimes it just makes me wonder how he sees the world through those nervous brown eyes. Did he have the same view of the world as Mami? Since he's always laughing, he must have it easy. _The more you laugh, the easier life is! _Mami was always saying that. Telling me life would be much more fun if we were smiling instead of frowning. She tells me that often since I seem to frown more than anything. She might have been right about everything though. If I think back now, it would've been a lot easier.

I let a little sigh escape from my mouth. I search the room for the clock and when I find it, I realize only thirty minutes have passed. Outside the window, the sun is still hanging high up in the sky. The sky is still blue, not even a hint of orange can be detected. The idea to continue to sit here and suffer more memories of the past did not appeal to me. And since that's how it is, I'll a stroll outside instead, with Adelheid.

I scramble to my feet and straighten my jeans. I look around the cluttered room and scratch my head. _Where did I put those red runners I wore a while ago?_ Suddenly feeling the desire for a specific pair of shoes, I shuffle through the closet and under my bed, the washroom, drawers and kitchen too. _I can't find it… _

I click my tongue in annoyance. I'm wasting time searching for a pair of runners. This is stupid. But it'll help me keep my mind off other things, maybe. I take off my sweater and leave it on top of my bed then I dive under my bed again. The dust down here will stick onto my sweater and it'll be a pain to wash. But as for my T-shirt, I just need to give it a few good pats and it'll be all gone. I shove my fist through a stack of old textbooks and loose paper. They tumble over to the side and I see a bag full of old broken toys. That also moves to a side for me to reach the plastic bin in the corner. I pull the rectangular container near my face to inspect. This is where I put trash-that-might-be-useful-in-the-future. And even though I'm almost positive my brand new runners would not be in there, my mind won't be at ease until I've checked in everything on this flat. Inside the bin was nothing but miscellaneous junk: dried up glue, broken colored-chalk, a mini sewing kit, Popsicle sticks etc. No shoes.

I lie down on the wooden floor for a moment to think. _Not here. Not in the kitchen. Not in the closet. Not in the washroom. Not in the drawers, so where?_ A place I might leave my shoes in that's not already checked. A place I might leave my shoes…_my backpack!_

I crawl out under my bed and run to the door where my bag is hanging on a hook. I unzip my brown messenger bag and certainly, my red runners are in there. I pluck the pair of red shoes out of my bag and hastily secure them on my feet. To think they were actually sitting in my bag all this time while I ransacked the place. _When was the last time I've been to school?_ I shake my head in denial and sigh. It doesn't matter. I've never liked school.

I take the doorknob and gently pull the door open when something white catches my eyes. My gaze shifts to the white corner sticking out of my bag. I stare at it with questioning eyes. _What's that? _I push the door away and reach for my bag. I pull the white block out of my bag and hold it out at arms length. It's a canvas. My eyes scrutinize the figures painted on the canvas with a frown on my lips, disapproving. I painted this with a partner at school. The almost-stick-figures effortlessly painted on the canvas looked like the work of 5-year-old. It's not surprising it received an F mark. It was too simple to even be corrected of any mistakes. But it's not like I know anything about art. As a matter of fact, what the hell is this painting anyway?

There I am standing side by side to another short kid, brown hair, and big black dots for eyes. There's a purple circle around his eyes, that's supposed be a bruise. And there's a band-aid on my cheek. Fake little smiles were painted on our small round faces. To paint them smiling was the easiest, to pretend us to be friends. Then no one will ask about it.

I turn the canvas over as I feel a laugh wiggling its way up my throat. I try to stifle it but the little chuckle bursts its way out of my mouth and my head is thrown back in laughter.

Yes, my partner was Tsuna. How fitting, don't you think? The loser with the loser. As if! That devil is the last person I want to be grouped with in this world!

I take the painting with me as I open the door once again to leave. _I'll throw this on the way out_. I lock the door to my apartment and make my way down the stairs, painting in hand. My eyes shift to look at the painting once more before I throw it into the garbage. And on the back of the canvas, I see faded little note scribbled in crooked printing.

"_Oh, Enma…. I wanted to paint us being friendlier, like how Kyoko and the girls did but it was too embarrassing, holding hands and all. But um, I didn't mind if we did though. Since you looked like you wanted to do it too. It was just kind of embarrassing. And to say this will be embarrassing too so I'll write it here. _

_"I want Enma and me to be closer friends. Won't it be fun if we can hang out together? And I think it'll be great if you smiled more too. Well, that's it. Bye!"_

My lips curve into another little smile. And surely I burst into a fit of laughter once again. My loud voice echoes down the empty corridor and bounces back to my ears. I realize I sound like a psychopath, laughing by myself. I turn from the stairs and towards the garbage bin. I toss the canvas into the bin and take my phone out to give Adelheid a call.

_Tsuna, you're so stupid. _


End file.
